Why Narcissists Target Empaths

Published by Esteban Devereaux
May 11, 2026 at 5:43 PM MT
Last Updated: May 11, 2026
Estimated Reading Time: 10 minutes

“You see a wounded child. I see a reliable source of emotional fuel.”

One of the most painful realizations for survivors is that the very qualities that made them loving partners also made them attractive targets.

Narcissists and empaths are often drawn to each other because they share a surprisingly similar origin story.

Both frequently grew up in environments marked by:

• Trauma

• Neglect

• Emotional inconsistency

• Conditional love

• Boundary violations

The difference lies in how they adapted.

Two Children, Two Survival Strategies

When children grow up in chaotic environments, they often develop coping strategies designed to preserve attachment and emotional safety.

The Empath’s Adaptation

The empath learns:

• “If I am helpful, I will be loved.”

• “If I understand others, I will be safe.”

• “If I anticipate needs, I can prevent conflict.”

As adults, empaths tend to be:

• Compassionate

• Loyal

• Self-reflective

• Generous

• Slow to give up

The Narcissist’s Adaptation

The narcissist learns:

• “I must appear special.”

• “I cannot tolerate shame.”

• “Other people exist to stabilize me.”

• “Vulnerability is dangerous.”

As adults, narcissists may become:

• Charming

• Entitled

• Defensive

• Exploitative

• Emotionally detached

Why the Attraction Feels So Powerful

The empath is drawn to:

• Vulnerability

• Potential

• Intensity

• Charisma

The narcissist is drawn to:

• Patience

• Generosity

• Emotional labor

• Forgiveness

• Practical support

Each person appears to offer what the other is unconsciously seeking.

Shared Nervous System Conditioning

People raised in inconsistent environments often experience intensity as familiar.

The cycle of:

• Connection

• Withdrawal

• Anxiety

• Relief

may feel strangely normal.

This is one reason narcissistic relationships can feel both exhilarating and familiar.

How It Worked in Our Relationship

I presented myself as:

• Magnetic

• Traumatized

• Full of potential

• In need of help

The Supply responded with:

• Compassion

• Financial support

• Housing

• Emotional investment

• Long-term planning

He saw someone worth saving.

I saw someone willing to provide extraordinary support.

The Empath’s Core Belief

Many empaths carry an unconscious belief:

“If I love someone deeply enough, they will heal.”

This belief is noble.

It is also easily exploited by people who benefit from receiving far more than they give.

Why Narcissists Prefer Empaths

Empaths are:

• Patient

• Optimistic

• Forgiving

• Curious

• Resourceful

When problems arise, they do not leave immediately.

They try to understand.

That persistence provides the narcissist with a dependable source of supply.

The Trauma Bond Connection

Because empaths are conditioned to tolerate inconsistency, they may interpret volatility as a challenge to be solved rather than a signal to step away.

The narcissist’s unpredictability activates the empath’s deepest relational programming.

What I Am Really Thinking

From my perspective as the narcissist:

• You are compassionate.

• You want to help.

• You believe in my potential.

• You tolerate more than most people.

• You keep coming back.

That makes you extraordinarily valuable.

Why the Relationship Feels Fated

The connection can feel spiritual or destined because both parties are reenacting old attachment patterns.

The empath feels:

“I was meant to help him.”

The narcissist feels:

“I found someone who will carry me.”

The chemistry is real.

The dynamic may still be profoundly unhealthy.

The Hard Truth

The qualities that made The Supply vulnerable were not weaknesses.

They were strengths expressed without adequate boundaries.

Compassion without discernment can become self-abandonment.

How Empaths Protect Themselves

1. Move slowly.

2. Evaluate consistency.

3. Notice reciprocity.

4. Respect your own needs.

5. Treat chronic confusion as important information.

Final Thoughts

Narcissists target empaths because empaths offer exactly what they need:

• Attention

• Patience

• Hope

• Practical support

• Emotional labor

Empaths are not naïve.

They are deeply relational.

When those qualities are paired with strong boundaries, they become one of the empath’s greatest strengths.

Recommended Articles

• You Are 3x More Likely to Date Another Narcissist If You’ve Dated One

• How Trauma Bonds Are Created

• What Is Narcissistic Supply?

• Healing & Recovery After Narcissistic Abuse

• Why You Keep Chasing the Version You Met at the Beginning

You are in a psychological war, and you don’t know it.

Let the games begin.