Will the Narcissist Ever Feel Remorse?

Published by Esteban Devereaux
May 11, 2026 at 6:37 PM MT
Last Updated: May 11, 2026
Estimated Reading Time: 9 minutes

“He may regret what he lost. That is not the same as remorse.”

After a narcissistic relationship ends, one question often lingers:

“Does he understand what he did to me?”

Closely followed by:

“Will he ever feel bad?”

The honest answer is nuanced.

A narcissist may experience:

• Regret

• Shame

• Loneliness

• Embarrassment

• Fear of consequences

But those emotions are not the same as genuine remorse.

What Real Remorse Looks Like

True remorse involves:

• Acknowledging specific actions

• Understanding how those actions affected you

• Taking responsibility without excuses

• Making meaningful changes

• Accepting consequences

Remorse is other-focused.

It centers on the harm done.

What Narcissists More Commonly Experience

Many narcissists are more likely to feel:

• Shame about how they are perceived

• Regret over losing support

• Anger about consequences

• Fear of abandonment

These emotions are self-focused.

The central concern is often:

“How does this affect me?”

rather than:

“How did I hurt you?”

How It Worked in Our Relationship

After the discard, The Supply naturally wondered whether I understood:

• The depth of his investment

• The betrayal of my secret relationship with Plan B

• The emotional damage caused by my deception

• The loss of our shared future

I may someday miss:

• The stability of The House

• His generosity

• The sense of being deeply understood

But missing what I lost is not the same as fully appreciating what I inflicted.

Why Insight Is So Difficult

Genuine remorse requires the ability to:

• Tolerate shame

• Maintain empathy

• Resist self-justification

For someone organized around protecting a fragile self-image, that process can be extremely difficult.

Temporary Moments of Regret

A narcissist may cry and say:

• “I made a mistake.”

• “You were the best thing that happened to me.”

• “I miss you.”

These statements may reflect real emotion.

They do not necessarily indicate deep accountability.

The key question is whether the person takes sustained responsibility.

Regret vs. Remorse

Regret

• “I miss what I had.”

• “My life is harder now.”

• “I wish things were different.”

Remorse

• “I understand how I hurt you.”

• “I take full responsibility.”

• “I am doing the work to change.”

One focuses on personal loss.

The other focuses on the harm done.

What I Am Really Feeling

From my perspective as the narcissist:

• I may miss your support.

• I may feel ashamed.

• I may feel lonely.

• I may want you back.

But unless I can face what I did without rewriting the story, true remorse remains limited.

Why Survivors Ask This Question

The desire to know whether the narcissist feels remorse is deeply human.

It reflects a longing for:

• Validation

• Justice

• Closure

But your healing cannot depend on another person’s level of insight.

The Hard Truth

He may never fully understand the impact of his behavior.

And even if he does, he may never say so.

That does not invalidate your experience.

A Better Question

Instead of asking:

“Will he ever feel remorse?”

Ask:

“What do I need to heal, regardless of whether he ever does?”

That question returns power to you.

Final Thoughts

A narcissist may regret losing you, your support, and the life you offered.

That is not necessarily the same as remorse.

Real remorse requires empathy, accountability, and sustained change.

Whether he ever reaches that point is beyond your control.

Your healing begins when you stop waiting for his insight and start trusting your own.

Recommended Articles

• Can Narcissists Change?

• What Is Confabulation?

• How Narcissists Rewrite History

• Healing & Recovery After Narcissistic Abuse

• Hoovering

You are in a psychological war, and you don’t know it.

Let the games begin.